Well, Hell

JohnRoss and Amy left and I was going to go to sleep but I am not quite ready yet. I'm getting sleepy, but I am still kind of restless and I don't know why. I am looking forward to Friday, some of us are going to Sandy's since Taylor will only be in Lincoln a few more days before heading back to Texas.

So, the real reason I am posting is because of this scar I have on my arm. I've had this scar for a year now and am pretty much going to have it for the rest of my life. It's a cigarette burn from Drake, and while it wasn't on purpose, it still feels oddly enough like I was branded, because it's not going anywhere. AT first I didn't mind it when we were dating, it was always kind of a joke afterward, like haha, you got me. But it actually kind of bothers me now. I am still quite pleased to say that I have been "clean" (i.e. no break downs or crying) since June 30th. Ironically, that was the one year anniversary of Drake telling me he loved me the first time. More ironically, that was then also the weekend I pretty much lived at Brett's apartment ( and if you haven't heard THAT story, well, there's probably a reason). Anyway, so yeah, the scar kind bugs me now, because it's just there. I look at my arm and I have all these memories of that night, which was mostly fun, except for the minor drama Drake and I had for a while, which then resulted in wonderful make-up sex in the downstairs bathroom (Sinley, I am so so sorry.) I am still decidedly moved on though, and things have been going really well lately. That doesn't mean I don't miss him, because I do. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I will love that boy until the end, but not completely, like I used to. Just a part of my heart, and hopefully that part will just get smaller everyday until it is another memory that can be tucked away in the pages of our scrapbook. Until then, Brett will just have to introduce me to more of his guy friends. (Brett, I am kidding, the ones I've met are enough. Please don't stop hanging out with me.)

Speaking of Brett, he wasn't feeling so great tonight and I am hoping that changes by tomorrow so we can make chili. I have barely used my stove at all, except for boiling noodles for mac and cheese. I gotta learn to cook sometime I guess, but if he's not better tomorrow I won't be a happy girl.

I need to do laundry. I have like, two pairs of socks left. It's ridiculous. I hate laundry day.

And now, I am ready to sleep.

Night kiddos